I learned something about myself today. Because it is my birthday, I received a coupon for a free drink at Caribou coffee. When I went to redeem my coupon, the barista asked me what I would like - anything on the menu, even the fancy new summer drinks that they hadn't officially started making yet.
I asked for a large black coffee.
They couldn't understand why I would take a $2 drink instead of a $5 one, and eventually we compromised on an Americano. (hopefully some of you will see the irony in that)
Secondly, the coffee incident reminded me that I am a peculiar sort of person, and that I appreciate consistency and the expected. I am skeptical of any coffee drinks that end in "blast" or "-cino" or have the word "super" in them.
Anyway, since I officially become an old man today, this started me to thinking about other milestones along the way. Today also marks one month since Emily became ill - an inauspicious milestone to be sure.
I have also been asked about another milestone no less than 20 times by nurses and doctors over the past month. Everyone wants to know how long Emily and I have been married and I happily tell them that we're just shy of our 7th anniversary.
During the second week Emily was in the hospital, we were watching some TV show in which two of the characters were going to be married. They were talking about some difficulty in their lives, and the guy told his bride-to-be that he would be there for better or for worse, etc. and when he got to "in sickness and in health" I saw a tear on Emily's cheek. The truth is that you never think you're going to be in this situation. The worst "sickness" you think you'll ever have to weather is the flu, or a really bad cold. I knew at that moment what those words really mean and why they should not be said lightly.
Emily and I never said those words, however, because we decided to eschew traditional vows in favor of ones that we had written ourselves. Nowhere in those vows can one find the words "in sickness and in health" but in the spirit of our vows there is a deep abiding faith that sickness and health are not even categories to be considered. We trusted that it was understood that we were entering into a relationship regardless of circumstance.
I would trade places with Emily right now if it would end her suffering. I never expected I would ever feel that way about anyone. It seems that love - real love, and not the stuff at the beginning of a relationship that you think is love - has taken me by surprise. It is the sort of love that makes me get up and fix two cups of coffee every morning, and breaks my heart when I only have to fix one.
When I got here today Emily had a noticeably stronger grip. She continues to progress incrementally toward health and wholeness even as she battles boredom and anxiety. And yet, even in the midst of this, when I got here today she said she had something to tell me. After considerable effort she spelled "card for you in the closet." I was surprised, but I looked, and with her mom's help she had gotten me a birthday card and even had her mom write a message inside. I can't tell you what that card means to me.
This everyday love is the real stuff of our wedding vows, and while I won't bother you with writing out our vows here, I will end with a poem that Christopher Couch, one of our professors, offered as a prayer on our wedding day. I've come back to these words many times over the past month for inspiration and peace:
Wedding Prayer
With your love, that we marry
With your love, that we may have long life together
With your love, that we heal together
With your love, that we are right
With your love, that we are home and happiness
To each other
And to others
What more may we ask
Of you
Well, many things
And in our course of time
We will ask
For now, we ask for these
Earnestly, gratefully
We ask, we pray
Together
Amen
